i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
