i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
