I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
