Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
