Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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