I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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