Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
