i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
