Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
