the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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