did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
