I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
