FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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