There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize