she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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