she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
