Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
