none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
