Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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