thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
