Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
