Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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