someone owes me an orgasm
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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