I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
