i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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