My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
