There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
