shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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