ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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