I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
