By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
