Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
