Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
