The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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