This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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