Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
this beer tastes like vomit already
birth control should be required to get into college
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
