Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
