Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize