that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
