Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
All the doctor said was why
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
