trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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