i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
