matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
