Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
