Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
