i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize