i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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