you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
