Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
