I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
