i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
