I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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