ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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