bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
