omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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