John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my being single is dangerous.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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