she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
