Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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