I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
