Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She's the barista slut.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
