Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
