how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
