There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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