those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
