I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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