Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
