Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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