i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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