Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
