My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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