Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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