He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize