the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
