Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
